I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
