One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
