Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
