just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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