Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
