Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
