great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
