my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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