Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
