so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
