sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
