he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
