I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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