we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
