i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
