Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
