I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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