Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
