Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
