So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
