You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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