It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
