My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
