I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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