HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
