She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
