yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
