I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
