I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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