i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Couch. On fire.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize