girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
