Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
