i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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