Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
