Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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