just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
