He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
