When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
