Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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