Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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