I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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