Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we're making bets on your personal life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
