some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
