So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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