It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
