The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
