I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
