you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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