I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
