Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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