My liver just broke up with me...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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