Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The air was thick with penises
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
