the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
