He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
