I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize