Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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