When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
