The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
