I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
