I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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