My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
