I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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