i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
