Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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